Where did I go wrong?

"Tiffany, You can't help." "Tiffany, you deserve better." "Tiffany, You aren't going to be able to help him. It's not possible." "Tiffany, you won't help anyone, or anything." "Tiff, you can't fix this." "Tiff, you're not worth it." "Tiffany, I don't need you." "Tiffany. Just shut up. You're not helpful." "Tiffany, you're a bitch." "God. I can't stand you!" "Just go away! You're not wanted here." "Tiffany, you can't be here." Tiff, just stop."

Tiffany. Tiffany. Tiffany.

Running on empty

You know how a candle will slowly grow dimer, and dimer right before it goes out. And the light starts to fade away. But, what if a sudden burst of life came into that flame of the candle, and made it shine brighter than before. And the flame would never go out again. Because, you knew that there was something protecting it. No gusts of wind, or people trying to mess with the flame. None of that, because that candle would be safe.

Unnatural Selection

*Note: You decide what the "It" is. ;)*

You walk out from the building, the city is abandoned. Not a person in sight. A breeze comes through and rustles your hair. You start walking, your boots hit the pavement and make a comforting sound, click, click, click. You stop walking, you hear a noise behind you. A long, loud, shriek, You know what the sound is. You're familiar with it by now.

You grab the gun out of your jacket, and turn around in a swift motion right as it jumps forward. You let out one steady blow from the gun. Soon, it's dead. And the silence is back, you walk up to where the thing lays, examine it, and shoot it again. Better safe, then sorry. You pull your hair up. It's only noon, and already one encounter, it's going to be a long day.

You sit at the dock, your feet dangle in the water. You're vulnerable, yes. But, oh, how it feels so good to be relaxed. Your mind begins to wander, are you the only 'human' alive still? Or, are you alone? How many of these 'things' are there? You shake your head. Relax... just rela- The sound is back. That long. Loud. Shriek. But this time. It has to be more than just one of them.

12 of them are coming toward you. You know you're not strong enough to take all of them at once, your mind starts racing. They're not smart. You can out wit them. You have 5 bullets, and a knife, if you play your cards right, you could get out of this alive. You get your gun out, close your eyes, pray, and lunge forward.

7 lay dead. You're getting weak. You want to give up, what's the use? You're alone in this God forsaken place, right? You can feel your legs growing numb. You're going to die. But, the little voice in the back of your head tells you to keep fighting, only 5 more. You can win this. A sudden wave of adrenaline pumps through you. It's enough to get you to keep going.

All. 12. Are. Dead. You fall to your knees. Wipe your brow. Your hands are covered with blood. You start to cry. You can't take this life anymore. The fighting, always being on the edge, you've done this for a year now. You can't do it any longer. It's not worth it. You grab your knife, it's over. This life. Right as you're about to plunge the thing into yourself, you hear a honk of a car. People? No. You look up, 3 people hop out of a car, 2 men and a girl. You drop the knife, and run toward them. The girl, she.. must have taken it the wrong way, she must have thought you were infected...

She, fires her gun. You gasp, this is the end. You could feel the impact of the bullet, It hit you right in the middle of your stomach, the girl had terrible aim, but still, she had hit a major organ. You feel your whole body going numb.

This is what you wanted, right? You get to leave this place. You're free. You smile, let out a laugh. And close your eyes. The last thing you heard was a long, loud, shriek, and a gun shot. You're free.

The paradise inside of your mind.

Close your eyes for a moment. Think. Focus. Concentrate. Think of the place you want to be at right at this very second. Breathe. Can you see it? That paradise inside your mind. Your eyes get heavier as your imaginary world sets in.

When I close my eyes, and think of the place I want to be right now, It's a simple beach house. Placed perfectly on the pacific coastline. I'd walk out on the deck. Look up, the stars would be bright. Practically beaming down at me. I'd look down, walk down the stairs and make my way out to the shore. The sand between my toes, the slight breeze, the gentle, soothing sound of the waves crashing. You can almost feel the salty mist hit your face.

You've almost entered the world of dreams. Sleep is only a few moments away. If you tried to open your eyes, It would feel like lifting a brick of your eyelids.

You grasp the sand in your hands, and let it trickle through your fingers, every grain of the sand feels soft and smooth. You turn, the moon is bright. Your eyes widen by it's glory. You lay back, and stare up at the sky, you pull your jacket around yourself, and close your eyes.

"BZZZZZZZ." Your eyes jerk open. The sound of your phone on your bed side table. You rub your eyes. You try to close your eyes and get the beach to come back, but it won't. You've lost a dream. It's gone.

But, it's just another beauty stowed into your mind.

Truth, Love, and Wildthings.

This post is dedicated to Jena Pretorius:

Seventh grade, I sat down at lunch with Cailin Burks, I laughed and joked, I asked you why you had your binder with you. You said something about your locker being jammed. I then asked if you had a twin. You said no. I laughed and said "Oh.." I thought you and I would never be friends.

Little did I know, two years later we are closer than I ever expected. I think of you as a sister, I'd do anything for you, and I know you would do anything for me too. You've helped me with everything, and you keep my secrets safe, away from everyone else. I know I can trust you, and I'm sure you'd help me with any sitcky situation. Like, say I killed three people and the cops were after me, you'd hide me in your closet till I was safe. That means a lot. :)

The first day of school I kept thinking you'd appear out of no where and we would act like retards together. But, that never happened. You're moving. And I will miss you more than anything in this world, but, listen to this, God is moving your family for a reason, He has a plan for you. Your life will be a bliss, full of joy, You'll find a new best friend, you'll love her as much as you love me. Jena, Remember this, You have a spot in my heart forever. I will never forget you, you're the most amazing best friend I could ever ask for. And I'm blessed to have met you. You make me smile when I'm sad, and make me laugh the hardest. I will miss you, but just think, I'll see you next summer. And we will have a lot to talk about.

I love you, Best friend. And I will miss you terribly.

♥ Much love,
Tiffany Brooke Casper.

Candles, and Lights.

I'm almost like a candle.

I will flicker and fade.

I will destroy myself,

Just to light somebody's way.

Take a look at me now

Summer 2010:

I grew up.
I found my passion.
I stopped biting my nails.
I changed.
I flew by myself for the first time, half way across the country.
I went to San Francisco, and found out I was meant to be there.
I figured out I didn't want to be a graphic designer.
I got close to God.
I made mistakes.
I found love.
I cussed somebody out for the first time.
I snuck out.
I sat on my roof, and almost fell off, twice.
I figured out I don't care what people think about me.
I trick or treated.
I found my true friends.
I found out my best friend was moving.
I got broken, a lot.
My parents split up.
I went on adventures.
I met more than 15 new friends.
I went to Falls Creek.
I saved 4 people.
I read 5 new books.
I started writing more.
I found myself.

<3

Why

Thisisjustgreat.

Tiffany Brooke Casper, You are screwed.