No Sound But the Wind

Do you think it's ridiculous? Ridiculous, that we let a friendship go to waste? One and a half years i trusted you, you were a person i told anything and everything to. Are we gonna drop all of that? Over something so childish? I don't know. I want you in my life. It's just, i don't think you want me in yours. Maybe before, not so much now. I want to fix this. But, do you? I don't know. It's weird not talking to you. I bet you won't even ever read this. So, i guess im talking to thin air. Or, Computer waves. Whatever. I hope you do. I mean, if i text you, i don't know what to say. "Hey. I miss our friendship." Or "Hey. I miss you in general." Buh. Well i'm rambling. I wish i could have a power to fix all the things gone wrong. I wish i could make things better. But, wishes are for silly people, waiting for things that will never come true. This is my last effort. I want it to be like it was, no, not dating, but friends. Friends that cared for each other. But, with my luck, that will never happen.

Save Me, San Francisco.

1,503. 1,503 days till i finish high School. Till I'm free from this small town. I can finally go into the world. Make something of myself. The place i am going to call my home when i leave Oklahoma is San Francisco. The city by the bay. A twinkling city in the night. I want to live in that city more than anything in the whole world. I would love to be living there right now as a matter of fact. But, My dream is to go to college there and get a degree to be a graphic designer. That's what i want. That city... It's just when i went to visit my sister there last summer, i don't know. I just knew it's where I belonged when i drove over The Golden Gate Bridge, When i smelt the salty air, When i saw that the people were just like me, Artsy, Different. The city just Screams Tiffany. So please. Save me, San Francisco.

"I think about more than Boys, Gossip, & Shopping"

You asked me what i was thinking right at this very second. Well, Here is your answer.

Violet Hill - Coldplay. Why am i thinking of a Coldplay song you ask your self? Well my Friend, I am thinking of this song because, it speaks to me, i've read the lyrics. It doesn't fit my mood, but it speaks to me, like a steady heartbeat. "It was a long a dark December." It was. That month was so long to me, i was waiting all that month for something that i wanted more then anything. I should have gave up. But, i was stupid, I sat around waiting, and in the end I was hurt. I don't know why i keep thinking about that one day I finally got what I wanted at the time. It's bothering me. Get out of my head.

Religion - Christ. Jesus Christ. He died for MY SINS. For the mistakes He knew that people were going to make. But, Still, He DIED on a CROSS for ME. It's truly amazing. He is amazing. I am glad HE is my Lord And Saviour. LOVE.

Video ideas - So this is pretty much ALWAYS on my mind. I never ever stop thinking about it. I guess i'm a true video geek? :) Well, i'll give you a hint of what my new videos im doing shortly are, Artsy video,& a new Music video. :)

And there you go. You wanted to know and there is your answer. Hope it's what you wanted to know. Because i am a Girl who thinks about more than...

Boys.
Gossip.
Shopping.

How He Loves Us

Have you ever truly experienced Love? Love that cannot be altered? Love that cannot be diminished? English is such a limiting language... Love can be love as in friendship, romance, Etc. But the love that i know i have in my life isn't like that. It is completely indescribable. God is Love. Love is not love. Love cannot be changed by anything you do. Love makes you selfless. Love gives you joy every time you see the stars. Love, true Love is indescribable. God is Love.

You and Me

So basically, i have some of the most incredible people in my life. And this is just me explaining why i've kept them in my life, and why i love them.

Riley Frost: About a year and a half ago i met you. You have know idea how glad i am that i did. You helped me through so much. Thank you. My life probably would be completely different without you. You make me so happy. You're amazing. I love you.

Cailin Burks: Wooooahhh. My pretty princess. I am so so SO happy for you and you're lover. <3333 Yeah, i remember the day i met you. Kaitlyn Wise introduced us, and then we went to 5th hour.... And BANG. BESTIES. <3 You are awesome. Stay that way, kay? Thanks. :) I LOVE YOU.

Jena Pretorius: Hehehe, hello, Jen-Ha! YOU ARE A SPAZ. XD I remember the day i met you too, Cailin introduced us when i sat with you guys at lunch one day in seventh grade. Ha, you little nerd holding your binder and lunchbox. X) I love our bus rides home and i love you... And your big butt. ;)

Kevin Oliphant: Kevin! Shorty, look you were the first person i met when i moved here in sixth grade. Hahah, we were beasts. XD So you have been here with me through my spazness and weirdness. You're one of my best guy friends. I luh you, brother. XD

Shelby O'Neal: So shelby! Hai! Look, You have a very special place in my heart. You were with me the moment i got saved at Falls Creek. You went with me up to the front of the auditorium, and stayed with me. Thank you. You are legit. I love you.

Tristan Walton: What's up GIGI!! XD You will always be my gay friend. Okay? XD You've helped me alot, and i just want to thank you. I cannot believe i didn't even know you this time last year! :O So, when we climb Everest when we get older, i promise i won't kill you... I'll kill the sacrafic. *Cough Casen & Cailin* Luh you, Dad. XDDDD


I have so much more to say, about each of you. But if i did write more, it'd take up my whole blog. I love all of you. You make me, me.

New

I am new. I see things clearer. I'm living my days from this day on like they are going to be my last. I will love more. And i will not let people bring me down. I will focus my life on God, And not on what other people think. I am new.

For you and you only.

I hope to God you see this. I was confused. I don't want to lose you either. It's just i was bottling up emotions for the past week and today they exploded into "Drifting, floating, falling, breaking." I thought it was all about to come spiraling down, crash, and burn, in only a little while. I was bracing myself. Bracing myself for when it would come. I don't know if i'm making sense right now... But i don't care. If you don't get anything out of this, at least get this. I love you. I was just being a "Dramatic Teenager." So i really hope the road we go down has a Ray of Light.

Looking back

Bang. 2010. The year i said was going to be my best. Look, I know it's not the end of the year yet, i'm not an idiot. But i just need to get what's of my chest about this year so far.

January: The month I was dating "Him" (Bad Choice.) The month overall was decent. I suppose, I turned 14. Made great connections. Etc.

February: Oh lord. This month was so precious to me. Sure the first two weeks were terrible. I was confused. Broken. But Valentines day, Midnight. Perfect. No need to explain. The rest of the month was a bliss. End of story. It was the month of love.

March: Spring && Love. I went to Destin, Florida with Cailin Burks. Best. Spring. Break. Ever. I changed. I started viewing things differently. I got closer to God this month. I let my guard drop down to the ground and open up to the people i care about. Then, only to have to put it back up for stupid "Teenage Drama"

April: So far, this month has been alright. I've been confused, had countless nights of just laying in bed staring at my ceiling listening to my fan go round and round, wondering "Why, Oh God. WHY. What do i do." Everything is fine now. I'm healed. Renewed. This month will change. I'll finish my 8th grade year with a smile on my face and no regrets what so ever.