Cheers, to you, Fall.

Summer; A time of warmth, shorts, romance, sno cones, staying up late on the phone,
Spending the day with your old lover, and sneaking out.

Fall; A time of beauty, a time of new starts, fresh slates, warm scarfs, bon fires, Halloween, staying out late, spending my evenings at Starbucks drinking coffee, new love, different friends, and a different girl, with a determination to be herself again.

Hello, glorious. Hello, bright leaves. Hello, a new chance.

Hello, Fall. I will remember everything about you.

Goodbye, Summmer 2010. I will forget all of your memories.

Can you believe it?

"There are 6 billion people in the world.

Of those, there is at least one for you,
Dear reader.

Maybe you’ll meet in a quaint little coffee shop.
Or your favorite book store.

No matter what, there is someone out there,
looking for you, just like you are looking for them."

Where did I go wrong?

"Tiffany, You can't help." "Tiffany, you deserve better." "Tiffany, You aren't going to be able to help him. It's not possible." "Tiffany, you won't help anyone, or anything." "Tiff, you can't fix this." "Tiff, you're not worth it." "Tiffany, I don't need you." "Tiffany. Just shut up. You're not helpful." "Tiffany, you're a bitch." "God. I can't stand you!" "Just go away! You're not wanted here." "Tiffany, you can't be here." Tiff, just stop."

Tiffany. Tiffany. Tiffany.

Running on empty

You know how a candle will slowly grow dimer, and dimer right before it goes out. And the light starts to fade away. But, what if a sudden burst of life came into that flame of the candle, and made it shine brighter than before. And the flame would never go out again. Because, you knew that there was something protecting it. No gusts of wind, or people trying to mess with the flame. None of that, because that candle would be safe.

Unnatural Selection

*Note: You decide what the "It" is. ;)*

You walk out from the building, the city is abandoned. Not a person in sight. A breeze comes through and rustles your hair. You start walking, your boots hit the pavement and make a comforting sound, click, click, click. You stop walking, you hear a noise behind you. A long, loud, shriek, You know what the sound is. You're familiar with it by now.

You grab the gun out of your jacket, and turn around in a swift motion right as it jumps forward. You let out one steady blow from the gun. Soon, it's dead. And the silence is back, you walk up to where the thing lays, examine it, and shoot it again. Better safe, then sorry. You pull your hair up. It's only noon, and already one encounter, it's going to be a long day.

You sit at the dock, your feet dangle in the water. You're vulnerable, yes. But, oh, how it feels so good to be relaxed. Your mind begins to wander, are you the only 'human' alive still? Or, are you alone? How many of these 'things' are there? You shake your head. Relax... just rela- The sound is back. That long. Loud. Shriek. But this time. It has to be more than just one of them.

12 of them are coming toward you. You know you're not strong enough to take all of them at once, your mind starts racing. They're not smart. You can out wit them. You have 5 bullets, and a knife, if you play your cards right, you could get out of this alive. You get your gun out, close your eyes, pray, and lunge forward.

7 lay dead. You're getting weak. You want to give up, what's the use? You're alone in this God forsaken place, right? You can feel your legs growing numb. You're going to die. But, the little voice in the back of your head tells you to keep fighting, only 5 more. You can win this. A sudden wave of adrenaline pumps through you. It's enough to get you to keep going.

All. 12. Are. Dead. You fall to your knees. Wipe your brow. Your hands are covered with blood. You start to cry. You can't take this life anymore. The fighting, always being on the edge, you've done this for a year now. You can't do it any longer. It's not worth it. You grab your knife, it's over. This life. Right as you're about to plunge the thing into yourself, you hear a honk of a car. People? No. You look up, 3 people hop out of a car, 2 men and a girl. You drop the knife, and run toward them. The girl, she.. must have taken it the wrong way, she must have thought you were infected...

She, fires her gun. You gasp, this is the end. You could feel the impact of the bullet, It hit you right in the middle of your stomach, the girl had terrible aim, but still, she had hit a major organ. You feel your whole body going numb.

This is what you wanted, right? You get to leave this place. You're free. You smile, let out a laugh. And close your eyes. The last thing you heard was a long, loud, shriek, and a gun shot. You're free.

The paradise inside of your mind.

Close your eyes for a moment. Think. Focus. Concentrate. Think of the place you want to be at right at this very second. Breathe. Can you see it? That paradise inside your mind. Your eyes get heavier as your imaginary world sets in.

When I close my eyes, and think of the place I want to be right now, It's a simple beach house. Placed perfectly on the pacific coastline. I'd walk out on the deck. Look up, the stars would be bright. Practically beaming down at me. I'd look down, walk down the stairs and make my way out to the shore. The sand between my toes, the slight breeze, the gentle, soothing sound of the waves crashing. You can almost feel the salty mist hit your face.

You've almost entered the world of dreams. Sleep is only a few moments away. If you tried to open your eyes, It would feel like lifting a brick of your eyelids.

You grasp the sand in your hands, and let it trickle through your fingers, every grain of the sand feels soft and smooth. You turn, the moon is bright. Your eyes widen by it's glory. You lay back, and stare up at the sky, you pull your jacket around yourself, and close your eyes.

"BZZZZZZZ." Your eyes jerk open. The sound of your phone on your bed side table. You rub your eyes. You try to close your eyes and get the beach to come back, but it won't. You've lost a dream. It's gone.

But, it's just another beauty stowed into your mind.

Truth, Love, and Wildthings.

This post is dedicated to Jena Pretorius:

Seventh grade, I sat down at lunch with Cailin Burks, I laughed and joked, I asked you why you had your binder with you. You said something about your locker being jammed. I then asked if you had a twin. You said no. I laughed and said "Oh.." I thought you and I would never be friends.

Little did I know, two years later we are closer than I ever expected. I think of you as a sister, I'd do anything for you, and I know you would do anything for me too. You've helped me with everything, and you keep my secrets safe, away from everyone else. I know I can trust you, and I'm sure you'd help me with any sitcky situation. Like, say I killed three people and the cops were after me, you'd hide me in your closet till I was safe. That means a lot. :)

The first day of school I kept thinking you'd appear out of no where and we would act like retards together. But, that never happened. You're moving. And I will miss you more than anything in this world, but, listen to this, God is moving your family for a reason, He has a plan for you. Your life will be a bliss, full of joy, You'll find a new best friend, you'll love her as much as you love me. Jena, Remember this, You have a spot in my heart forever. I will never forget you, you're the most amazing best friend I could ever ask for. And I'm blessed to have met you. You make me smile when I'm sad, and make me laugh the hardest. I will miss you, but just think, I'll see you next summer. And we will have a lot to talk about.

I love you, Best friend. And I will miss you terribly.

♥ Much love,
Tiffany Brooke Casper.

Candles, and Lights.

I'm almost like a candle.

I will flicker and fade.

I will destroy myself,

Just to light somebody's way.

Take a look at me now

Summer 2010:

I grew up.
I found my passion.
I stopped biting my nails.
I changed.
I flew by myself for the first time, half way across the country.
I went to San Francisco, and found out I was meant to be there.
I figured out I didn't want to be a graphic designer.
I got close to God.
I made mistakes.
I found love.
I cussed somebody out for the first time.
I snuck out.
I sat on my roof, and almost fell off, twice.
I figured out I don't care what people think about me.
I trick or treated.
I found my true friends.
I found out my best friend was moving.
I got broken, a lot.
My parents split up.
I went on adventures.
I met more than 15 new friends.
I went to Falls Creek.
I saved 4 people.
I read 5 new books.
I started writing more.
I found myself.

<3

Why

Thisisjustgreat.

Tiffany Brooke Casper, You are screwed.

Blackout.

I wish I knew how to keep a conversation going.
I wish I knew everything about you.
I wish I could be perfect.
I wish I had a normal, happy family.
I wish I could keep you happy.
I wish I could always have a smile on.
I wish I could change my past.
I wish I could make you see that you're not pathetic.
I wish I could always be with you.


The list goes on. Those were just on the top of my head. I just want to be perfect, for you.

A British surprise in the countryside.

The sun beams down on the trail. You're walking along taking pictures of the beautiful English countryside. You're parents finally let you go to England to study. Something they swore that they'd never let you do. But, you. You're there. Roaming around an open field.

A breeze brushes over the grass. Your dress sways slightly. You grab your hat, thinking it'll fly away. You lay down in the middle of the field. The clouds seem closer here. Bigger, fluffier. The kind you imagined laying in when you were little. You take a deep breath. You wish you had a lover. Someone that'd tell you a story while you laid in the grass. You sigh and sit up. You look behind you. A storms coming in. And fast.

You're walking back to your car when you see an abandoned house. The kind you would imagine in a fairytale. A wooden fence wraps around the house, and flowers are everywhere. Ivy climes up the side of the house, up to the second floor. The home is made of red brick, and the windows white. You smile. The house, it's so... quaint. You walk through the gate, a little bell dings. You decide that you'll stay here till the storm passes.

Once inside, you notice that the house is well, full of furniture, you set your bag on a table. Should you leave? Someone must live here. But, the house, it seems empty. You decide to stay. You walk to the back of the house, a little library meets you, a big empty chair begging for you to sit in it. You look through the books, you see one of your favorites, Pride and Prejudice. You start reading it and walk over to the chair. You sit and read for hours.

The door squeaks open. Somebody did live here. You hide behind the door. Wait, if you hide won't that seem suspicious. But, what if they get mad that you're in there house! You decide to walk toward the door and make a run for it. Right as you get to the door, that's when you see him. He's standing in the kitchen, his dark hair wet from the rain. You stare. Forgetting about leaving. He smiles at you, and walks forward. You told him about the reason you were in his house. He tells you it isn't his, and that it's his grandmothers, and after she'd passed, he moved in. You talk for hours, you drink coffee. He tells you his name, William. He said it so perfectly, his British accent made it sound like honey. You snap out of it. You're not staying here. You can't fall in love. You thank him and make your way outside. He stops you. And stares into your eyes. You're half way out the door. He smiles and asks when he'll see you again, you tell him that you won't see him again. His smile disappears. But, only for a second. He grabs you by the waist and pulls you close. And whispers in your ear, "Remember me with this, then." He gives you the lightest, most delicate kiss. You know that you will. Always.

You scream. You run.

Your feet crunch down on the leaves as you run into the darkness of the forest. Your breathing ragged, tears streaming down your face. You keep replying the memory in your mind. Your car had broken down on the empty highway, you went to look at the engine, and you look up, a dark, tall figure stands in the middle of the road. Only a few feet away from you. Their head tilted slightly to the side. They start running toward you. You scream. You run.

Now you're running through the blackness of the forest, your only light is the moon above you. Are they still chasing you? Is this only a dream? Why are they chasing you? Exactly what is it that's chasing you? You stop thinking. The only thing that matters is surviving. You're a tough girl. You can handle this. You swing to your left, you see a place to hide. You crouch down under the brush. Your eyes widen. He's here.

He walks in front of you. His boots crushing into the fallen twigs. You hold your breath. He's going to kill you. You can tell. You let your tears flow. But you don't make a sound. He walks off. You let out your breath. But you don't dare to move. He could come back. But, he's gone now. You start thinking of the idea of running back to your car and calling someone on your phone. You can still see the highway from here. You get up. You run faster then before.

You smile. You can see your car. Sanctuary. That's when you see him. He's been running beside you this whole time. You didn't notice. He tackles you to the ground and pins you. You scream. An earsplitting yelp. Why is this happening to you! You send out a silent prayer. You know it will be your last. He smiles over you. He's enjoying this. You spit at his face and cuss at him. He laughs. His laugh is full of hate and darkness. He pulls out the knife. Your life flashes before your eyes. You scream. He plunges forward. A white light becomes the only thing you see.

You jerk your eyes open. You're crying, screaming. You look around. You're in your room. It was all a dream, silly thing! You let your breath out, and stop clutching the covers. You turn to your right. But wait, what's that? The window is open? But, you shut it last night, right? You go closer, you look outside. You see on the edge of the forest, a dark tall figure. He waves a knife in the air, and turns around and walks into the darkness. You scream.

Bliss and Beauty

The olden days. Old times. The Victorian era. Early 1900's. You can call it whatever you want, but it's an incredible era, and also my favorite.

You were born into the world of bliss and beauty. You'd grow up in an simple house, with secret doors and libraries. You wouldn't be a single child. Your older brother would chase you around your front lawn, while your mother and father drank lemonade on the front porch holding hands.
You would wear dresses with ruffles and bows, and stockings. But, secretly you'd take a pair of your brothers pants and wear them and act like a man in front of your mirror. Your mother would teach you how to be a lady, by sitting up straight, talking in complete sentences, learning to play piano, and looking people in the eye. You'd slouch and nod while she did this.

You'd be a simple beauty. Natural. No make up. Long curls that went down past your chest. With lips as red as cherries. Your father, a wise and wealthy man would see that you're a beauty and find a family for you to marry into. Little did he know you had fallen in love with the boy next door. You would sneak out at night with him and listen to him tell you stories of the places he's traveled. France, Spain, England. You would fall asleep in his arms, only to be woken by your father yelling at you about how you were foolish. You never saw your first love again.

Years passed and you were a mother of 3. Two girls and one boy. Your husband a wealthy banker. He didn't love you, and you didn't him. You went along with the fake romance to please your family. You'd spend your nights on your balcony thinking of what it could have been like, being in love, happy, in a home far away, by the ocean. You'd practically smell the salty air and feel the sand in your toes when your little girl tugged your dress. You picked her up, realizing that your children are the main purpose of your life, your only happiness. You'd tuck them in.

The children grew up and generations passed. It's now 2010. And the world is a terrible place. War, sex, drugs, alcohol, and abuse.
No sign of a simple life an outsider would think. But, you can find one. Just block out the bad. Find the good. Someone to love, friends to adore, a family that will care. Find that and you'll be in the simple life of bliss and beauty.

I could be perfect for you.

I swear to God.
It's like you're the only person that gets me.

The sweet angelic little girl, and the caring single dad

Today, I was on a flight home to Tulsa. I was trying to find an empty spot when I saw a dad and his daughter. She was sitting next to the window, She had long brown hair for her age. And a smile to die for. She was coloring in a Princess book. Her father, had short blond hair, with glasses. He watched over her with his arm around her. I wanted to take my camera out and get a picture of them. They were so, content. I got closer to the seat, I was guessing that the mom was in the bathroom or something. There were not a lot of seats left so I thought I'd ask just in case.

"Excuse me, Sir? Is that seat taken?"
"No, no! Ha, sit down."

I took my seat and started to text. I said goodbye and put my phone up. I looked over to my left, and I noticed that the little girl was peeking at me. I smiled at her.

"Hi, I'm Tiffany," I said openly. "What's your name?"
"I'm Victoria." She said giggling.
A few minutes past and I heard her talking to her dad,
"Daddy, Look at her. She's so pretty! Do you think she'll be my friend?"
I smiled slightly. And looked over at them. I was going to say something, but that's when I noticed. The father didn't have a wedding ring on. I blinked. My gaze only lasted a second. I talked to Victoria until I fell asleep.

I woke up to see her father covering her up with a blanket and gently moving a piece of hair out of her face. He whispered "I love you, Angel." At that moment I knew that Victoria was going to have the best father in the world. He cared about her more then himself. A simple moment had shown it. Victoria will grow up and she'll grow apart from him and want to be with her friends, and with boys. She'll start to wear makeup. She'll lock her door. And not talk to him, or yell at him. But, the Father will just always love her, no matter what. It was so touching. I turned to my side away from them and went back to sleep. Wishing I could have had that. I let a small tear escape. But wiped it away. No time for that. The next time I woke they were watching Nemo. The dad asked me to join them, I did. He treated me like his own. He made sure I wasn't cold, or if I needed a blanket, or a snack. He cared for me, a complete stranger, like I was his own.

I got off the plane, I was to busy texting as soon as we landed that I didn't thank him, or say bye to Victoria. And it kills me when I think that I should have. But, I'll always remember them, The sweet angelic little girl, and the caring single dad.

Lights on the Bay flicker and shine.

My sister pulled up to her parking spot that over looked the city. I took a swift move out of the car and was on my way down the stairs to her house. But, something caught my eye. In the past week I haven't really noticed the view she has until tonight.

My eyes widened. The twinkling lights danced on the bay. I could see the fog in the city. A breeze rushed by me and made me shiver. I pulled my jacket closer to me. I couldn't take my eyes of the city. All the color, the beauty, the sounds, everything rushed into me in that one moment. I closed my eyes. I realized right there at that second that this is where I am meant to be. I realized that there are people in that city right now that are going to be with me for the rest of my life, people that will be my best friends. The person I could marry might be there. Is he thinking of me like I do him? My future job, house, everything is in this city. All of these thoughts rushing in my mind like rush hour.

I opened my eyes. It had only been a second. My sister had not noticed that I completely fell in love, and found my home in under 2 and a half seconds. I walked behind her down the steps. Looking at my future city that danced on the bay reflecting back at me. I sighed.

San Francisco. You're a wonder in my eyes and you always will be.

That White Picket Fence

I've always had a dream of living in one house for my whole life. But, I've moved so many times in my life, It was never a possibility. But, this is what I'd want my children to have.

The same state, same city, everyone knows everyone. The house you could have those memories when you were young, like, the time you carved your height into the side of the coat closet. And measured how much you grew, or playing outside all day in your tree house that you and your dad made together. And those Christmas's... I bet they would be glorious, always having the slight memory of running down the stairs in the morning, and you'd see your presents, you would jump around and keep saying "thank you, Santa!"

Or, what about when you became a teenager, when your parents let you finally go out on a date with a boy, and he'd walk you up to your front porch, and lightly kiss your lips, a slight tender first kiss, and he'd ask you to be his girl. Or, when he texted you telling you to look out your window and he had a rope ladder to help you sneak out so you could go on a midnight walk, hand and hand, so perfectly in love. Thinking this is the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life. Or, sitting on the tire swing staring at the white picket fence you watched your parents make back when you were seven, you would sit there swinging, trying to forget your first breakup, and wipe the tears away, only to think of the times you've had with your ex-lover, and end up crying again.

And, what about when you were about to move out, and go start your life? You would pack all your things, remembering every faint scent, laugh, touch, and memory you had in your room. All the different colors of paint that had been on the walls, the different decorations, changing from Barbies and baby dolls to makeup and perfume. The time you wrote your name in your closet with a marker when you were five. You would gather everything and take one last painful look back at your room, you would slide down the banister one last time, run to your Dad and hug his neck, and kiss your Mom, you went out to your car, and started it up, backed out of the drive, waving at your family. You'd smile but secretly you'd be crying inside, you wanted to stay in that little house with the white picket fence. Forever and always.

Sky High Standard

Last night, I had one of the most amazing/weirdest/beautiful dreams I've had in a long time.

I woke up in my dream, I opened my eyes to see straight forward, looking out my window. Usually, I would see a giant tree, and the street. In this dream I saw an endless blue sky dotted lightly with puffy clouds. You know, the clouds you think you could lay in? Those kinds. I walked over to the window, and looked out, I was on the highest floor of a house, thousands of feet in the air. The room vanished and I was standing in thin air. I walked forward. Every step I took was a different note, (Music note.), I spun around, and Closed my eyes. I opened them to see that I was in the middle of a thunderstorm. The lightning struck, a blinding flash. I woke up from my dream. Only, to hear my iPod lightly playing the song "Thunder" By Boys Like Girls. And It was on the verse, "So, bring on the rain, and bring on the thunder." <3 Amazing how dreams are sometimes.

You could be my unintended.

Ask me already. I know you're reading this, ask me. I want to know. More than anything at the moment. :)
Thanks.

I'm a Wreck, and I Know it.

I should not care so flipping much about this. But, I do.

It's the same thing over and over again.

Love & Hate. Love & Hate. Love & hate .....

And it kills me.

God.

Have You Got it in You?

Pardon me for my lack of excitement.
But I'm not entirely thrilled.

St-St-Stutter when I talk.
Flail around as I walk.

Yeah the moments been killed.
And I'm not good at this no, not all.

I'm not good at this.

The Simple life

Remember when you were little, and you would pretend you were in a different place, or you were a princess, spaceman, dinosaur, anything. All you had to was make up something. Nothing mattered, you could just run around outside all day, then go inside and listen to your parents tell you a story. And, you would cuddle up in your warm covers, with your favorite stuffed animal, and listen to the story, wishing you could be like the characters. Finally, you would drift off into sleep. Your parents would kiss you on your forehead, and walk out of the room, leaving the door half open, because they knew you were afraid of the dark. And when you woke up the next morning, it started all over.


I wish things were still the simple.

Idon'thaveaclevertitleforthis. Justreadit.

People absolutely fascinate me. How they can be so immature, and so two faced. It's just so, peachy. Don't you think?
Grow up. Pick a face. And stop trying to get attention.

Thank you, So much.

Butterflies and Hurricanes

So, I could not pick just one topic to blog about, so I picked three.

Moving- Jena, I know you don't really read my blog. So, this is pointless, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. As much as it's going to hurt me to see you leave in three weeks, I want you to go. You hate Bixby, you hate the people here. You need a fresh start, new friends, new love, a new life. It's the perfect start for a new beginning. It pains me to write all of that, cause, I wanted you to stay here with me, but that's selfish of me. You'll love California. It's beautiful. I wish I was living there, But I love Bixby. So, darling. I won't cry about this anymore, & I won't be sad. Cause, all things happen for a reason. And there's a reason you're leaving, not beacuse your dad got a job, but a better reason, one that'll help you in life, you just need to find out what it is.

Broken Friendship- I've already blogged about you. And I still feel the same way. I hate you. I'm not going to be nice with this. You've changed so much. And it hurts. I thought you were a close friend of mine? Rememeber fall break, when we just talked and talked and held hands? We loved eachother. I thought you were going to be my "Guy." Then, we dated. I never knew how annoying you were until then. We broke up, and stayed friends. That's when you changed. I would call you, and ask you to meet me. And I would vent to you, and you would try to help me, but then you just made me cry. That's when I stopped our friendship, I just acted for the next three months. For Cailin and Jena. They both adore you. But, I see right through your mask. They haven't seen the "Mean side" of you. We tried to hangout together before I went to camp, we sat there acted like friends, joked around, then it went silent. We both remembered what had happened. And I told you bye, little did you know that I ment bye, for good. I'm done with you. You're dead to me.

Love- You don't have to be my "perfect guy" You don't have to accept my faith. You don't have to change. I love you just the way you are. You're perfect in my eyes. You're the only person I couldn't live without. Everytime I see you, hear your name, text you, I smile. You make me so happy. You're the only person I've ever loved whole heartedly. And that's something. I can be goofy with you. And you like my weirdness. I don't have to worry about messing up or doing something stupid in front of you. Gosh. You're just amazing.

Cowboy Boots in the Summer

I daydream wayyy to much.

Hello, Sunshine.

You. You give me hope. Everyday. Every moment. Every second. You give me hope that there are still people out there with kindness in their hearts, and can love, And be sweet, and care so much.

You, you're my sunshine.

When I'm having a terrible day, and all I want to do is just cry, and pout. You cheer me, you bring sunshine into my rainy day.

So, hello, my perfect sunshine.

We Will Not Grow Old

Why is everything going by so fast? It feels like it was just yesterday when I was playing on the playground back in kindergarten. Now, I'm about to go into high school. Oh God. Time, please slow down. Let me enjoy my life, slowly.

Glorious Day

Eternity: It seems crazy. I can't even grasp what eternity would even be like. Maybe, It'd be like a bliss? Always happy, and full of joy? I'm sure that's the way God has it planned. I think He would want us to be happy for all that time. Right? It's funny, people are always telling me the human brain is not complex enough to grasp the thought of eternity. We have to have a beginning, and an ending. It's insane, something that will never ever end? Wow. That's all I can really say when I think about eternity. I can't even believe what it's going to be like.

Memories Will Always Stay the Same

In the past week I have stayed up till insanely late hours of the night, and found myself sitting in front of my neighborhoods pond.

In the past week I have seen 4 shooting stars, I was to awestruck to make wishes on them. But, I did capture a memory of them that I hope will never ever fade.

In the past week I have fallen completely in love with a guy that I adore, and I can't get him out of my mind for the slightest second.

In the past week I have had 6 dreams. 4 being nightmares, 1 being a perfect bliss, and the most recent one, left me thinking about somebody I haven't thought about in 5 months.

In the past week I have started keeping a journal, (Thanks to Lexie Mumey for the inspiration.) And I have actually kept up with writing in it.

In the past week I have helped 5 people with a problem.

In the past week I have made 3 new friendships.

In the past week I have lost 2 friendships.

A lot can happen in a week. ♥

Picture Perfect.

So. Um, well. I'm Tiffany, and I'm a person that doesn't trust many people, has made so many mistakes I can't even count all of them. I've blocked people out of my life, and won't listen to anything they say. I've broken promises. I have a fake smile. Lied straight to a person face. Made terrible choices. Broken my Friend's heart. Screamed at my parents. Doubted God, Multiple times. Told people I was fine, when I was dying inside. And they never noticed. I have a temper. And, I cry so much.

Are you sure you think I'm perfect? I'd say not. I'm the last thing from perfect.

How to Disappear Completely.

You know, I fake it oh so well,
That God himself can’t tell.

What I mean and why my words are,
Less than parallel.

With my feet,
You ask me what I need.

And all I really need,
Is to breathe.

Pour Me Out

Have you ever had that feeling, where you just feel that everything is going to change? Maybe, for good? Or, For bad? But, you can't tell yet. I walked outside just a few minutes ago, and stood in the middle of my driveway. And, I just looked up, and closed my eyes. I was hoping I could find out what's about to change. Is it me? Am I going to change? I sure hope not. I like who I am. I'm unique, I suppose. I try my best to stay different from everyone, even If that means I'm not liked by a lot of people. Or, Maybe It's a friendship. What if I'm about to lose someone? I'd hate to lose one of my friends, I care so much about each of them. I can't lose one of them. Or, maybe God is going to change my life completely. And maybe I'd like that? No. I wouldn't. At all. I opened my eyes, turned around and walked back inside. I can feel a change, and I pray to God that it'll be a good one. I'm sick of the bad ones.

My Summer 2010 List. ^_^

*Swim at night.
*Draw on the road.
*Make balloon notes.
*Get random people to sign t-shirts.
*Write more.
*Carve my name in a tree.
*Have A picnic.
*When I go somewhere in public go up to a random person and dance. X)
*Go up to a random person and say Bieber blast HA!
*Create a crazy dance move!
*Make my own language.
*Talk to strangers in my own language.
*Blow up balloons, put a message in it and hand them out.
*Blow up balloons, put a message in it and let them go in the sky.
*Set up a lemonade stand.
*Tie-Dye t-shirts.
*Splatter paint somewhere.
*Stay out late.
*Sleep in.
*Dance on a table.
*Go a whole day barefoot.
*Water fights.
* Watch the sunset.
*Watch the sunrise.
* Play in the sprinklers.
* Go to the zoo.
* Catch fireflies.
* Lay on a rooftop.
* Leave inspirational quotes in random places.
* Burn all my school stuff in a bonfire.
* Jump in the water with all my clothes on.
* Stay outside all day.
* Get a tan.
* Party it up.
* Take pictures with random people.
* Meet new friends.
* Go camping.
* Sleep under the stars.
* Camp in someones back yard.
* Sneak out.
* Make t-shirts.
*Get a bunch of people I know (like ALOT) and play a scavenger hunt in the mall. XD
* Dress up with my friends and randomly go trick-or-treating. :DD
* Go to a public place with my friends and scream as loud as I can "I WON THE LOTTERY!!"
* Play truth or dare with lots of people.
* In the middle of the night run by every neighbors houses ringing the door bell (without stopping.)
* Prank call (call pizza hut, and give them a wrong address.. or call Walmart).
* Sneak out of the house with my friends.
* Cut the power off in myhouse at night play hide and seek in the dark.
* Go somewhere public and pretend like I’m dieing, then stand up and act like it never happened.
* Try to stay up for a few days without sleeping.
* Climb a tree somewhere and spy on people walking by.
* Drop water balloons from the top of a building on people walking below.
* Try to sneak into as many movies as I can in 1 day, starting at 12AM. until 12AM the next day.
* At night sneak over to an old persons house & garden their yard, watch them come out in the morning.
* Randomly help people with their bags at a Walmart or a Store for an hour. X)))
* Draw with chalk on random persons driveway.
* Run around in the sprinklers.
* Fill water balloons with different colors of paint, post them to a wall, than pop them with darts. :D
* Try EVERY flavor at Josh’s.
* Go paint balling.
* At the mall, go in a store and put their clothes on, then pretend I’m a mannequin in the window.
* Ask to use the microphone in the store to find my mom, than instead just sing a weird song.

I Wouldn't Mind.

I'm in trouble.
I'm so cliche.
See that word just wears me out.
Makes me feel like just another girl,
To laugh and joke about.

Strawberry Swing.

Likes.

Sunrises/Sunsets.
Dreaming.
Nerd glasses.
Warm sunny days.
Long walks at night.
Puppies.
Eyeliner.
V-necks.
Bracelets.
Perfectly curled hair.
Texting the person you like for hours.
Cold hands, you have an excuse for somebody to warm them.
Best friends.
Daydreaming.
Handwritten letters.
Vanilla perfume.
Flowy dresses.
True smiles.
Natural pictures.
Being barefoot.
Converse.
Watching the stars.
Finding songs nobody has heard before.
Being myself.
Falling in love.
Laughing so hard you cry.
Life's simple moments.
Messenger bags.
Going on adventures.
Treating my camera like a child.
Strawberry Cream Frappuccinos.
Anything strawberry flavored actually. :)
A good tan.
Playing tag/Hide-and-seek with friends. :D
Pianos.
Trying to play video games with guys.
Creative people.

I could think of SO many more. But those were the ones off the top of my head. ^_^

I somehow find You and I collide.

What do I want in a Guy. Simple question, right? Well, here is my "Simple" answer.

I want a guy that will sing me lullabies. A guy that will smile the moment he sees me. I want a guy that will be a gentleman, and treat me like the lady I am. A guy that will hold me tight in his arms when I'm upset, and hurt by the world. A guy that will always hold my hand, and make me his everything. I want a guy that's just a creative as me, or more. A guy that loves laying in the grass watching the stars. A guy that will want to kiss me. And won't make me do things I don't want to do. A guy that I can tell my secrets to, and I won't have to worry about them getting out to the public. I want a guy that will be comfortable with the silence and not have to worry about filling it with awkward conversation. I want a guy that loves God. I want a guy that will go on adventures with me, and exploring. I want a guy to be silly with, and just be goofy with and not have to worry about anything. I want a guy that I can take pictures with, and not have to worry about him being camera shy. I want a guy that wants to make something out of this short life, and he will be just as spontaneous as I am. A guy that will give me his jacket, and let me keep it. A guy that loves to smile, and will tell me his thoughts. I want a guy that will surprise me. Oh, And a guy that gives great hugs. But, most importantly, I want a guy that will love me, for me. <3

Light a Way.

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray my heart you chose to keep.

And if I die before I wake.

All of me is yours to take.

If I don't see you again.

It'd take all I have within.

Maybe I'll just stay awake.
I think I'll just stay awake.

A Passion Within.

Fire. There is a fire within me. Burning, pounding, spreading through my body. A burning passion, a burning passion for God.

Right now, I'm at church camp. I've changed. So much, it's crazy. I found a true and everlasting love, that will never be broken. But, I also found out that thousands of people, right at this very second, are going to Hell. Why you ask? They didn't accept the only thing to keep them out of that terrible, horrible place. They didn't accept Jesus Christ as their own Savior.

This morning I was reading my Bible and well this is what I sumed up, it's a frightening picture. God's sitting on a white throne. Earth and even the stars are gone. The dead stand before Him, about to be judged. Every sin is revealed, every mean thought and wicked act. No one passes the final test - everyone is thrown into a lake of fire. But, lucky us, Jesus loved us so much that he went to the cross to personally pay the penalty for our sins. The sins he knew that we would commit in the future. He took the judgement, that's why us believers won't be standing in front of that throne, waiting to be judged. The sins of anyone who trusts Jesus as savior have already been judged and punished, and their sin is gone.

So you see, we're at a war right now. A war to spread the gospel to as many people in order to Save people from Hell. Let them know that there is a Lord named Jesus Christ and he died on a cross for YOU. I am now a warrior of God now. I'm ready to be home and spread the word. Save people. I want to make sure that everyone is in Heaven. Safe, with the Father. For eternity. I'm ready for this war, I'm ready to spread the word. Bring it on.

You Found Me

God. You did give me a sign. You got me back up on my feet, and brushed me off. I never realized how good I was at pretending to be alright. These past 4 days, they were terrible. But, You. You gave me a sign, my life is just perfect. Perfectly Crazy. In every possible way. But, I love it. ♥

You've Got Me Smiling in My Sleep.

Hm. I don't have a clue what to say. Well, more like "How" to say it. So, try to understand me? What's the biggest thing I want to say. I couldn't decide what to say in general so, I decided to say the biggest thing to the three most important people in my life right now.

Cailin - The biggest thing I want to say to you is, I love you so much. I think of you like a sister. You've helped me with so much. But, Baby. I miss you. Tell Beaude he needs to share! It makes me so amazingly happy to know that your with your Beau. Ha, Beau. See what I- Nevermind. But, yeah. I'm happy for you guys. Even if that means i don't see you as much as i'd like to. Ah. I can't believe i've only known you for what? A little over what a year and a halfish? Hmmm. Crazy! I love you. So much. I'm blessed to have met you.

Jena - The biggest thing I want to say to you is, You make my life so much better then it actually is. You get me through everything. And, I mean everything. Everyday you lighten my mood. Make me smile and laugh so stinkin' much. Ha. Afternoon prickle. X) I don't know what i'm going to do when you leave.. I mean, Sure i got that sexy beast up there ^ But, babe. You don't care about my weirdness, or about how much i cry around you, or mop around. You make things better. You are a sister to me. You'll always have a very special place in my heart. Forever. I love you.

Riley - The biggest thing I want to say to you is, well, I love you, So much. But, you already know that. I got to thinking while writing this, what If I never took Drama or, had never been in the play with you, just what if I never ever met you? Would I be where I am today? Would I be the same person. I don't think I would be. You've changed me. For the better. But, at times you can confuse me more than any of life's many mysteries. Just saying the truth. But, I like mysteries. They keep me thinking. :)
I love you. And I'm blessed to have met you.

Up in the Stars.

Alright, What are my thoughts? Well, here you go.

Falls Creek- I cannot wait to get out of Bixby. Back to the place where i feel connected with God. And gosh, I really do need to get re-connected. Falls Creek is the only place i feel like i have no problems, no worries, no drama. That place, it makes everything vanish. All you care about is your relationship with God. It's amazing. I cannot wait. 6 more days.

Summer- Um, hello. Summer, are you there? I know you're "here" but, when are you going to show up in my life? Yeah, I stay up late, sleep in, yada yada, blah blah. But, I can't feel you yet. I thought you were gonna be amazing? Yeah, not so much. So, kick it into gear. Make my summer amazing, like I thought it was going to be. Mkay?

Me- I don't know what to think about myself right now. I'm changing, i guess? Becoming me. I suppose. I don't know. I just, I don't like the same things I did a few months ago. I don't care about what people think of me. I just want to be free, and be myself. And not have to worry about anything but being myself. All, that really matters right now to me is, God, Family, Jena, Cailin, and the people I care about & Love. I could care less about the people that think negative about me.

You- Yeah, ummm. I think you know who you are. But, I still love you. And every time I get a text from you I get butterflies. I'm pathetic. I need to stop, I guess. You tell me? Please. What do you feel? I mean I NEED to know. I don't know what to think. I couldn't fall asleep for 2 hours last night because, I kept thinking of the past few months with you. Buh, I love what we have right now. And, i'm fine with it.. I suppose. Just, tell me what you think? And let me know i'm not as pathetic as I think I am for saying all this.

Once Upon a Time

Once Upon A Time, there was a beautiful princess. When she was very young a evil witch put a spell on her and locked her in a castle with no windows, colors,and any thing happy. The door to the castle was locked from the outside. One day a young prince heard about this fair maiden locked in the castle. He knocked the door in and saved her. They both lived Happily Ever After.

I don't understand why parents read stories like this to little girls. It makes them think that a prince is out there waiting to come rescue them. When I was little I remember my Mom reading a Fairytale to me. I asked "Momma, I want a prince just like that! I wanna prince that will love me forever. So, we can have a happily ever after!" My Mom should have told me there aren't princes out there. Only Boys that like to take girls hearts, Hold them, love them, then stab them. I know. I'm only fourteen. I have so much more time to find "The one." But, once again. I'm only fourteen, a stupid, silly, fourteen year old girl. And pretty much every girl my age wants a prince charming to have for her self. One to hang out with, and tell their secrets to. But, in my case. I don't think i have one. I give my heart, he looks at it, then acts like it's a rag doll and throws it away.

But, Anyways. I'm being dramatic. And this is ridiculous, we're right back where we left off.

Falling Awake.

Smile. You're with the people you love. Laugh. You're enjoying joking around with your girls. Love. You're watching them help you, and try to cheer you up. Breathe. You're Tiffany Casper. You don't need to focus on this. Don't let it bring you down. Yet, I have a heart breaking feeling inside. I know that's dramatic. But, I can't describe it any other way. I don't really know what I'm thinking.


You know how I told you that "My life was like a dream. And it can't be real." I was right. Because, nothing in my life ever stays great. Not even for a day. It always ends in a nightmare and me having to strive to make it a peaceful dream again.

Why Does it Always Rain on Me?

I told myself I wouldn't blog about this. But, you pissed me off so freaking much. I need to get this off my chest, you are a two faced hypocrite. You changed, you're not the same. I hate this person you have changed into. I hate you. I hate you so much, it hurts to breathe. I can't believe you. You called me a slut, a whore, a skank, a spolied brat, etc. You mocked me. You judged me and my religon, told me I was worthless, and that I don't have any talent. That I sucked at acting, drawing, and everything I do. I have never hated someone as much as I hate you. I hate you, Tristan Walton. I hate you and everything you are.

Careful Confessions

I didn't think I would let it happen again. I told myself I wouldn't let it happen. I didn't plan to fall in love with you, Again.

But, I did. Oh, Lord. I did.

Nothing else could be so real

You make me happy, Whether you know it or not.

Everybody's Changing

Alright. I've been quite about this for to long. I'm getting this of my chest.


I love you. You're my best friend. But, You're ignoring me. I know, I know you're in love. But, you've got to have some balance between Love, And Friendships. I care about you so much, And i want you to be happy. I've seen the way you look at him. You love him so much, It's adorable, but so depressing at the same time. Because, I know he's all you ever wanted, he's sweet, athletic, and blah blah.

We never hangout anymore, Cause you're always with him. It hurts cause Summer is coming up, Fast, and you'll have all that extra time to spend with him. But, was I ever like this? I don't think I was. No, I'm positive I wasn't. I balanced it out nicely, Right? Buh, Cailin Burks, Please fix this? I miss my best friend.

11:11 Time to Wish.

It's 11:11. Close your eyes, clasp your hands, and focus on what you want. I know what i'll wish for. It's always been the same, and it will stay the same till it comes true.

Here Comes The Sun.

Summer. One of the few things on my mind. I can picture it now. Adventures, Sno Cones, God, San Francisco, Six Flags, Staying up late, and Midnight walks with the hot air on my bare legs. It might just be me but, I think that this Summer something amazing will happen, I have a feeling that this Summer will be one to remember for the rest of My Life on this Earth. Mhm, only 6 more days. 6 more days of blank walls, windows that are never open, annoying immature classmates, and crowded hallways. I can't wait. Summer is sinking into my mind. Pounding in my heart. And pulsing through my veins.


Summer 2010. My Escape.

I'm searching the stars.

Have i been blind? I don't think I have ever noticed so much about You. Or, Have I changed? Have I started to notice more about people.

Well, all I can say after noticing this is, You're perfect.

Everything's a Miracle.

I've found my home. Where i fit in. Where i can be myself. That place you ask?


The stage.


The stage, preforming, acting, singing. Tonight, while i was singing my solo in my school's musical, it hit me. I belong here. This moment was perfect, i didn't want it to end! When the curtin closed after we finished the show, i started crying, i was so happy, I grabbed my friends and we all started to cry and scream with joy. I went over to my family, they said i glowed tonight, that i looked like i was the actual character, and that I made everything look simple. Tonight was amazing, i found my place. I found where i belong.


The stage.

Fearless.

Oh, Lord. Things are about to get crazy...


Bring It on.

Brightside.

Progress. We've made progress. ^_^

Alright, so i have a feeling things are going to start getting so much better. These last weeks have been dreadful, sure. But, I think God was showing me He is in charge of my life, and He can make it a living nightmare... But, then He can make it become a Bliss faster than i ever thought was possible. Sure, My dad is in the hospital right now, But, it could be worse, I mean he's so much better. He feels so much better than he did a few days ago, It's like he was dead friday, he was lifeless, now he is full of energy and ready to be home.

The other day when i was walking into the hospital i noticed how i am so lucky. I'm lucky. I saw people dying. People hurt. People that have families, that might not be coming home. I'm Lucky. Sure, My life isn't perfect, but it could always be worse. I'm gonna look on the brightside.

It's Time To Breathe.

It's time to stop. Stop with the things that bring me down, That make me hold my breath.
I need oxygen. I'm suffocating.

So, I'm done. Done with You. I tried, i tried my best to be a good person and Fix It, But nope, didn't change a thing. Things will never be the same, That really hurts me. But, well, i can accept it. I'll miss the fact that i could tell you anything and that i wouldn't have to worry. But, If you won't put effort to fix it. I won't either. Fair is Fair.

So, I'm going to take a deep breath, Put a smile on my face, And keep my head held up high. Because, i realized something, I'm happy. I'm perfectly happy with this. Sure, I might miss You at times, But whatever. You live your life. And i'll live mine. You find Love. And I'll find Love. And we'll Keep Breathing.

Sleepless Nights

Night. Piercing silence ringing in my ears. Tossing, and turning. My mind keeps racing. A thousand things rushing through my head. "What if...?" "How come...?" "Why not...?" Shut up. Shut up, mind. I don't want to think. I'm done with the past. The sleepless nights. I'm not going to look back. Keep my head up. I toss to my other side. The sheets are warm and comforting. I think to myself, "I'm not strong enough to not look back. To keep my head up." No. Shut up. Sleep, deep sweet sleep. I lay on my back and stare at my ceiling. "Change the subject, imagine something calming, make up a dream and go to sleep, Tiffany." I drift off, so close to that calmness. Then, my mind wakes up. Again. Rested and ready to annoy me for the rest of my night till i finally overcome it, and fall into the place where nothing matters, just sleep. But, lately i don't want to sleep. My dreams, they hurt. They bring back things i don't want to think about. The old me. The selfish me. The "Bad" me. I did things, So many things i regret. That i want to take back more than anything. I know people say you should never regret anything, but God. If they knew, they'd understand. Stop thinking. Sleep, Tiffany. Don't think. But, how can i not think? Listen to music. Unintened- Muse. Your sleep song. That should fix it. Nope, not at all. Just brings up emotions, and the past. Close your eyes, don't open them. Sleep.

No Sound But the Wind

Do you think it's ridiculous? Ridiculous, that we let a friendship go to waste? One and a half years i trusted you, you were a person i told anything and everything to. Are we gonna drop all of that? Over something so childish? I don't know. I want you in my life. It's just, i don't think you want me in yours. Maybe before, not so much now. I want to fix this. But, do you? I don't know. It's weird not talking to you. I bet you won't even ever read this. So, i guess im talking to thin air. Or, Computer waves. Whatever. I hope you do. I mean, if i text you, i don't know what to say. "Hey. I miss our friendship." Or "Hey. I miss you in general." Buh. Well i'm rambling. I wish i could have a power to fix all the things gone wrong. I wish i could make things better. But, wishes are for silly people, waiting for things that will never come true. This is my last effort. I want it to be like it was, no, not dating, but friends. Friends that cared for each other. But, with my luck, that will never happen.

Save Me, San Francisco.

1,503. 1,503 days till i finish high School. Till I'm free from this small town. I can finally go into the world. Make something of myself. The place i am going to call my home when i leave Oklahoma is San Francisco. The city by the bay. A twinkling city in the night. I want to live in that city more than anything in the whole world. I would love to be living there right now as a matter of fact. But, My dream is to go to college there and get a degree to be a graphic designer. That's what i want. That city... It's just when i went to visit my sister there last summer, i don't know. I just knew it's where I belonged when i drove over The Golden Gate Bridge, When i smelt the salty air, When i saw that the people were just like me, Artsy, Different. The city just Screams Tiffany. So please. Save me, San Francisco.

"I think about more than Boys, Gossip, & Shopping"

You asked me what i was thinking right at this very second. Well, Here is your answer.

Violet Hill - Coldplay. Why am i thinking of a Coldplay song you ask your self? Well my Friend, I am thinking of this song because, it speaks to me, i've read the lyrics. It doesn't fit my mood, but it speaks to me, like a steady heartbeat. "It was a long a dark December." It was. That month was so long to me, i was waiting all that month for something that i wanted more then anything. I should have gave up. But, i was stupid, I sat around waiting, and in the end I was hurt. I don't know why i keep thinking about that one day I finally got what I wanted at the time. It's bothering me. Get out of my head.

Religion - Christ. Jesus Christ. He died for MY SINS. For the mistakes He knew that people were going to make. But, Still, He DIED on a CROSS for ME. It's truly amazing. He is amazing. I am glad HE is my Lord And Saviour. LOVE.

Video ideas - So this is pretty much ALWAYS on my mind. I never ever stop thinking about it. I guess i'm a true video geek? :) Well, i'll give you a hint of what my new videos im doing shortly are, Artsy video,& a new Music video. :)

And there you go. You wanted to know and there is your answer. Hope it's what you wanted to know. Because i am a Girl who thinks about more than...

Boys.
Gossip.
Shopping.

How He Loves Us

Have you ever truly experienced Love? Love that cannot be altered? Love that cannot be diminished? English is such a limiting language... Love can be love as in friendship, romance, Etc. But the love that i know i have in my life isn't like that. It is completely indescribable. God is Love. Love is not love. Love cannot be changed by anything you do. Love makes you selfless. Love gives you joy every time you see the stars. Love, true Love is indescribable. God is Love.

You and Me

So basically, i have some of the most incredible people in my life. And this is just me explaining why i've kept them in my life, and why i love them.

Riley Frost: About a year and a half ago i met you. You have know idea how glad i am that i did. You helped me through so much. Thank you. My life probably would be completely different without you. You make me so happy. You're amazing. I love you.

Cailin Burks: Wooooahhh. My pretty princess. I am so so SO happy for you and you're lover. <3333 Yeah, i remember the day i met you. Kaitlyn Wise introduced us, and then we went to 5th hour.... And BANG. BESTIES. <3 You are awesome. Stay that way, kay? Thanks. :) I LOVE YOU.

Jena Pretorius: Hehehe, hello, Jen-Ha! YOU ARE A SPAZ. XD I remember the day i met you too, Cailin introduced us when i sat with you guys at lunch one day in seventh grade. Ha, you little nerd holding your binder and lunchbox. X) I love our bus rides home and i love you... And your big butt. ;)

Kevin Oliphant: Kevin! Shorty, look you were the first person i met when i moved here in sixth grade. Hahah, we were beasts. XD So you have been here with me through my spazness and weirdness. You're one of my best guy friends. I luh you, brother. XD

Shelby O'Neal: So shelby! Hai! Look, You have a very special place in my heart. You were with me the moment i got saved at Falls Creek. You went with me up to the front of the auditorium, and stayed with me. Thank you. You are legit. I love you.

Tristan Walton: What's up GIGI!! XD You will always be my gay friend. Okay? XD You've helped me alot, and i just want to thank you. I cannot believe i didn't even know you this time last year! :O So, when we climb Everest when we get older, i promise i won't kill you... I'll kill the sacrafic. *Cough Casen & Cailin* Luh you, Dad. XDDDD


I have so much more to say, about each of you. But if i did write more, it'd take up my whole blog. I love all of you. You make me, me.

New

I am new. I see things clearer. I'm living my days from this day on like they are going to be my last. I will love more. And i will not let people bring me down. I will focus my life on God, And not on what other people think. I am new.

For you and you only.

I hope to God you see this. I was confused. I don't want to lose you either. It's just i was bottling up emotions for the past week and today they exploded into "Drifting, floating, falling, breaking." I thought it was all about to come spiraling down, crash, and burn, in only a little while. I was bracing myself. Bracing myself for when it would come. I don't know if i'm making sense right now... But i don't care. If you don't get anything out of this, at least get this. I love you. I was just being a "Dramatic Teenager." So i really hope the road we go down has a Ray of Light.

Looking back

Bang. 2010. The year i said was going to be my best. Look, I know it's not the end of the year yet, i'm not an idiot. But i just need to get what's of my chest about this year so far.

January: The month I was dating "Him" (Bad Choice.) The month overall was decent. I suppose, I turned 14. Made great connections. Etc.

February: Oh lord. This month was so precious to me. Sure the first two weeks were terrible. I was confused. Broken. But Valentines day, Midnight. Perfect. No need to explain. The rest of the month was a bliss. End of story. It was the month of love.

March: Spring && Love. I went to Destin, Florida with Cailin Burks. Best. Spring. Break. Ever. I changed. I started viewing things differently. I got closer to God this month. I let my guard drop down to the ground and open up to the people i care about. Then, only to have to put it back up for stupid "Teenage Drama"

April: So far, this month has been alright. I've been confused, had countless nights of just laying in bed staring at my ceiling listening to my fan go round and round, wondering "Why, Oh God. WHY. What do i do." Everything is fine now. I'm healed. Renewed. This month will change. I'll finish my 8th grade year with a smile on my face and no regrets what so ever.